Pigs Fly

When pigs fly.... that's when I'll stop having fun at Christmas time.

Have a holly jolly, ya'll, and instead of stressing over what to give who, and how big the Christmas ham needs to be or what to serve with it and which dishes to set the table with,

just be jolly and enjoy this special time of year.

That's how we roll around here.

(having more fun with my new letter board) 

 

Rotten

 

 Our girl elf.... I mean MY girl elf, finally came home.

I say MY, because my husband refuses to claim her as being a part of this family.

 

  I gave her a HUGE time-out by making her sit in the chair all night on the front porch out in the thirty something degree weather.

At least she had the sense to keep her hat and gloves on so she didn't freeze to death.

DARN!

 

 I don't think the time out did much to help straighten out her attitude because today she is climbing all over my pumpkin.

Yes, pumpkins do have a life after autumn is over.

If they are not rotten I keep them around.

speaking of rotten though.....

 She's also decided that the Bradford Pear trees are a great place to hang around.

I simply don't know what to do about this little elf.

The more I attempt to make her pay for her mistakes, the more she misbehaves.

*sigh*

I do not recommend purchasing an elf on the shelf....

trust me,

nothing but troubles all through the holidays,

and to think I spent all that extra money for that pretty skirt for her.

I get no appreciation or respect at all.

An Elf With No Name

 Hi.

It's me... the elf girl with no name.

I just about went through this entire box of tissues today because.... snif snif... because it's just sad to not have a name.

snif.

 

At first the lady of the house wanted to call me Cookie, because I snuck out at night and ate her last cookie, but

 I told her I did not want to be called Cookie. She may call me that anyway since I hang around the kitchen so much.

Why would she name me after a baked good... that's like being called Bread, or Fudge or or Green Bean Casserole With Cheese On Top!
I hope she will reconsider that Cookie name.

 I mean... why not just call me Ginger after this stupid house?

 Or Pepper after this Christmas snowman shaker?

 I'll keep hanging out in the kitchen so she'll probably name me Spatula or Little Fryer, because she has NO CREATIVITY!

 Rowdy has a much better idea.

He's seen me in action lately and he wants to call me....

Chickie.

BECAUSE I RIDE CHICKENS!!

Or roosters.

Whatever.

Maybe that lady will think of something by New Years.

Otherwise it may be Chickie for life!

Ride 'en, Chickie Girl... Ride 'em!

After Midnight

 That's right....

the boy elf is the naughty one,

NOT ME!

But, I needed to look around to get my bearings on this huge house which is now where I live,

so once the lights were out and the lady of the house had retired to her boudoir for the night,

you know... after midnight....

 well, I snooped around.

 I didn't mean to.... but that last Christmas cookie looked so good that, well...

I ate it!

 and I'm not sorry I did either, so I left no note of apology for the lady,

I just ate it

and enjoyed it.

Humans eat too much during this time of the year anyway,

so I was doing her a favor by getting rid of those unneeded calories that she is probably always

swearing at anyway.

*burp*

 The pantry door was left ajar and easy to open for an elf,

and I found some great guys to party with in there.

Smirnoff, Barcardi, Jack ...

 we had a swinging good time

and I'm glad I opted to wear my Christmas party snowflake skirt that the lady bought me.

It was a smash hit with the guys!

 Even Jose told me how special it was.

*hic*

You know Jose, right?

He's such a Casanova and girls need to watch out for him after midnight!

So, let's hear it for the boys!

They welcomed me with open bottles arms, and now I am feeling completely and utterly at home here!

Falling In Love With The Girl Elf

 Hi.  I'm the new elf around here and let me not be mistaken for a boy elf,

that bad, bad, bad elf on a shelf guy.

I am his sister.... and I AM A GIRL ELF.

Mom even bought me a skirt and I have long lucious curly eyelashes and a pursed set of lips, unlike that BOY ELF!

Oh... I am bad sometimes, but not nearly as rotten as HE IS for heaven sakes.

Stick around and you'll see.

 

 So, the lady of the house brought me home because she fell in love with we elf types a long long time ago, you know, way back in the 60's, vintage days of yore, but no one ever bought her an elf.

Yesterday she had had enough and put her booted foot down, went to two stores and found me at....

get this.... Barnes and Noble!!

 Rowdy and Izzy immediately wanted the chance for a  'close up' hello,

so the lady of the house had to intercede.

You can see that they love me,

especially Rowdy.

He's cool, and you can see that love lorn look in his eyes.

 

 He definitely wanted to kiss me.

He got closer.....

and closer and....

 so close that I could see the freckle on his gum!

He has a freckle on his gum!!!

And a boo boo on his lip.

Funny whiskers

goofy teeth.

and a nose that looks like the boy elf might have been here and mooshed it in as a joke!

 And

then he DID IT!

He moved in for the big smackeroo and he kissed me!

Guess that means I'll stick around this house for a while,

you know,

since I now have a boyfriend.

XOX