Hyphen

I read an interesting article today about brides keeping their maiden name being a trend that is on the rise.

When I think back to childhood and how huge it was for girls to play with Barbie dolls and make up pretend scenarios that were played out, sometimes for hours, with friends and sisters, one of those scenarios was about Barbie getting married.

It was a fun and dreamy game to play, and Barbie would sometimes then move to the mountains or an island or some other place that was considered to be very cool and 'oh so exotic' back in the 60's.

The one thing I don't ever recall doing is having Barbie keep her maiden name, she would now be Mrs. Ken *insert last name HERE*, and then live happily ever after on said mountain or island.

When I married in the early 70's I took my new husband's last name.  The thought of keeping my maiden name would have been unheard of to me, and so I became Diane Cayton... his last name.

Five years later divorce would change my life.  I had a daughter and so to me it felt the appropriate thing to do would be to keep my married last name so that she and I would not need to explain to people why our last names were different.  It seemed the right thing to do. 

My maiden name had been a part of my life and who I was for nineteen years, the age I married and gave it up, but I would not marry again until I was 53 years old, so I had the last name of Cayton for thirty four years when I married my current love, and it was the name that everyone knew me by.

So, I chose to keep the previous married last name and hyphenate it with my new husband's name tacked onto the end.

No one knew me by my maiden name since 1973, and now it was 2007, so to have taken it back would feel very foreign to me.  I was no longer that girl. 

Trends come and go not only when it comes to weddings, but how women choose to be seen as in the world once they do marry.  Have they worked before... are they a professional.... do they need their own identity/name separate from their husband, would it be a hassle for any reason to give up their maiden name?

In some cases, Yes!  It would be.

So yes, trends may come and they may go throughout the decades, but I am all for a woman retaining whatever name she has prior to marriage.  I've never been seen as a traditional gal, so if this is a problem for the man she has chosen, tell him to get over it.  

HERE is the link to the article if you would like to read it.

 

 

A Heavy Sigh

 Life got you down?

I can happily say that that is a rarity in my life.

Life is not perfect, but most days it really is as though I am living with a rainbow over my head.

Lucky you say?

Not really, although choosing the right husband the second time around accounts for much of my good fortune, and I don't feel guilty about being happy considering that I was single for nearly twenty years between husbands.

Those single years were lean years, times of struggle without many rainbows.

You will think this sounds vain of me, but I see myself as smart... wily smart, not so much straight A achievement kind of smart, but a good choice maker in life kind of smart.  My husband says he thinks that I struggle with decision making, but that's only because I mostly allow him to lead the way, and it's not a man-woman kind of thing... me woman, you man, so YOU make the decision, it's really a case of my knowing that he makes VERY good decisions, and most of the time I agree with him, so I just sit back and let him go for it.

 So, last year he had all of this stonework done around the yard.... this wall was added around a planted bed area,

We talked about this together and were in agreement as to what work we wanted to have done.

 and he had the stone layer re-do our flagstone walkway so that it was now all level and no longer a tripping hazard, 

 and a nice wide, deep step was built up to the front porch so we no longer had to jump from the porch down onto the sidewalk.

 and at the back of the house a small patio was laid in flagstone to alight onto when coming down from the steps of the deck.
*this part of the plan was TOTALLY MY IDEA*

Now, back to the decision making; my husband is having the stone layer come in a couple of weeks to fix a few bricks that the basement walkout door sits atop, and also add more stone walls along the driveway as well as two stone columns at the entrance to our drive.  I'm not overly in favor of this idea, but the decision has been made by him.

There are instances when he just wants what he wants, and my opinion won't sway him,

It's not that I have bad decision making skills... it's simply that sometimes it's not worth an argument.

I mean is it really worth yanking on that rainbow?

*heavy sigh*